A glass bottled Coca-Cola, condensation sliding silently down the curved neck, collecting in a cool ringed pool at the bottles end. It beckoning the thirsty summer patron with promises of sweetness and a refreshing chill that will run through their body.

As this summer draws to a close a few items need to be identified, realized, and pondered upon. It has for sure been an atypical summer. First off I didn’t get to enjoy it due to my ever pressing need to excel (i.e. summer college courses) that I am happy to say went exceptionally well. Second, it has been bursting with accident after accident. These accidents can be summed up simply by mentioning one of the only creatures on this planet that accepts me simply as me, and that is the horse. I’ve been thrown off,

Hands automatically and protectively enveloping the skull, legs flailing in a desperate attempt to free a foot from the entrapment of the stirrup, eyes full of the careening ground. The terrifying feeling of time seeming to slow down but still not being able to counteract the position you have instantly found yourself in.

Had my horse fall from beneath me,

Its’ one eared bridle disappearing in a flash, horse flesh traversing into the earth at a rapid fire rate, throwing the reins as one might a baseball to aid the horse in finding its much needed center of gravity. The crowd gasping in horror as both horse and rider find themselves resting upon the manicured arena ground. The rider springing to her feet and attending to her animal as one might find a protective parent do to a fallen toddler.

And had every rodeo I’ve been to has been rained out,

Sunnyside rodeo we parked the old trailer just right. It faced the well-lit arena while fellow competitors parked with their headlights leading; our truck stuck out, a sore thumb amongst the others. When the rain began to come down heavy, parachuters from the sky, it became a refuge. Complete strangers welcomed in to stand among the muck and hay of the trailer, the horses fidgeting between the dividers, the march of army boots against the ceiling enveloping everyone in the trailer. Reminding us we are all the same.

I’ve also had some interesting experiences in my personal life. Well, two interesting experiences. The first being a blind date,

I found myself at a park. Calling the other person, discussing the color and make of each other’s vehicles in an attempt to locate one another amongst the sea of cars parked in the small parking lot. Once we had located each other we covered the typical mannered territory of exchanging information, names, majors in college, etc. and then set off to descend the mountain hoping our feet remained firmly on a longboard. At times our hands found each other to insure that the other did not crash. We found each other like this often throughout the summer. Meeting up to explore a complete stranger, never truly finding anything out about the other but having no shame or embarrassment in telling the other exactly what was a good kiss to them. By the end each could read the others mind but only on a sexual scale. No substance, mild satisfaction, but a regretful seething hatred for self began to take root.

The second experience was an attempt to see an old relationship for what it was. I called him. Some may say it was stupid on  my part since he was the one and only person I had truly “fallen” for but after a two year hiatus from seeing one another I had to find out why I had loved him,

My truck growled up the streets of a poor neighborhood, a once familiar figure stood on the street corner directing me to the final destination, his sister’s apartment, a sudden panicked feeling taking over me. Why was I here? Why did I drive an hour to see someone that caused immense panic to run through my veins? Gushing through arteries, turning my face an auburn shade. I quieted myself, and asked the same face that had meant so much to me at one time, where to park.  When I exited the vehicle an embrace was mutual and the swapping of familiar and comforting scent was shared.

I couldn’t help myself, as soon as I laid eyes on his face I once again could feel the head over heels feeling taking over. I decided to allow it for a few passing hours. As any great scientist I needed to see as well as feel this in action, reasoning that this was the feeling I needed to share with someone that I wanted to marry. If they didn’t give me this same feeling it wasn’t going to work. I remembered all the delightful things about his character as he entertained his niece and nephews, while casually glancing over and sharing the same charming smile that always made me weak in the knees.

When it came time to leave we spoke endlessly in the parking lot beside my truck. I desperately was hoping that he would kiss me just as we had the first time in a parking lot. It wasn’t long before I found myself against him in what would have looked like a heat of passion. It certainly was.

A week passed and I found myself questioning if I had really learned anything from the exercise I put myself in. I felt secure in the fact that I was a different person than I was two years ago, that I respected myself and my goals far too much to ever attempt a true reconciliation. But, I still was looking for some kind of answer. So, I called again. Met up with him and witnessed all of the things I could not stand about him. His addictions out on a platter. It mostly just overwhelmed me with sadness more than anything. He has talent practically running out of every orifice yet no desire to perform.

We parted once again in a parking lot, a true metaphor for the relationship we shared. Parking lots are sites for hooking up, coming and going, snorting drugs off of dashboards, and leaving people confused and empty. He did just that. When we parted we shared yet another embrace but he was gone just as quickly as he came, leaving me standing confused once again.

I’m not entirely sure what point he was making by leaving like that. I don’t honestly care either. I learned that I had moved on, that I no longer felt an urgent need for his approval. I also was proud of myself that I had made myself see him face to face again. It always seemed like he had a grasp on my future, my future successes and failures, like I couldn’t get away from him. I faced him. I did it, and I didn’t care that he left me because I had already decided that I didn’t need him.

It has been an interesting summer for sure. As I tip back that glass bottled coca-cola, it tickling my taste buds and reminding me of previous summers living in Mexico, I’ve realized that I’ve become a completely different person than I was before. I’m beginning to see who I am, what is important to me, and where I stand. It’s a terrifyingly delightful experience that I’m sure has something to do with realizing my own immortality (thank you horses for that nightmarish lesson) and confronting fear that was completely irrational. So, I began this by saying that I didn’t get to truly experience summer but I feel that I’ve learned far more this summer than a tan could have ever taught me. And nothing is sweeter or more refreshing than that.